Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Trapped in my own prison
Imprisoned in my heart
I'm losing control
Loving seems so hard

Can't feel a thing anymore
Like there's a barrier in between
My heart's turned cold
It remains unseen

Guess I'm just afraid
To be shattered all over again
Or maybe I'm just sick of it
All those shit and pains

Whatever the cause
It doesn't matter
Cause someday I believe
It'll all get better

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~Me ♪ at 19:06

another one of those nights where God seems to be calling out to me. sometimes i feel like it's my time to go back for good, but the next day, the feeling's gone. guess you cant live just by feelings huh. honestly, i wanna go back to my good old times where it was just God and me. but i guess times have changed. i'll give it another shot though..

i wanna go back to st hilda's to play for chapel again. wonder if my old band would care to join me. hope they've got time to also. wonder if the drop in would welcome us back as well, since it's under a different management. maybe isaac can pull strings for us. well, that's if the rest of them are interested to come back la..

hmmm.. somehow music and God always gets tied together when i look at it. honestly, whether i go to church or not, i feel like both are always there within me. just that i tend to turn my face away from them at times. but then again, they're what drives me. music inspires me and God comforts me. at times, God inspires me and music comforts me. and when i think about it all together, God manipulates the music around me to inspire and comfort me. how great is that? haha. i love music and i wanna love God more. now all i need are the steps to take. yes yes i know, go to church, read the bible, pray. those seem to be the hardest things to do man! >.< but yeah, i will try. it's gotta work! if not im as good as dead already.

you see, they are the greatest things that i've got. if not for them, i think im totally crap. crap by the roadside! sure, i've got great friends. a family, a gaming life. but somehow, deep in my heart, the best things that i've got is my passion for music, and the Holy Spirit. i dont know how many of you feel the same way, but that's exactly how i feel.

whatever it is, i believe all you Christians out there love God, and He's the best you'll ever get. besides that, my passion for music may be your love for something else. maybe you love photography, or paintings. or even cooking or dancing. whatever it is, these are the things(besides God) that will drive you to whatever you wanna be in the future. keep working on them and keep the faith! it'll take you far!

that's all for tonight. cheers!
~Me ♪ at 05:43

Sunday, December 28, 2008

this is a short post. im such a slacker. lazy to update blog. haha!

SLACKERRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ~~~ XD
~Me ♪ at 20:12

Saturday, December 27, 2008

okay! so my new blogskin is sorta done. if i have any inspiration to add or try stuff in it, i'll just do it. haha. any comments on this?

found this template on blogskin.com and editted quite some stuff. not my template, wont claim credit for that. :D but im still so proud of myself for editting the words and stuff. did lotsa trial and error. took me 5 hours k! this is my first time im editting so much in a blog template. most of the time i just edit the link, the cbox, the profile and the music. haha. so you can call me a html idiot if you like.

but like what i told someone just now, a blog is about it's content, not so much about it's skin. im just doing this for fun. i mean, try something new ma.. haha. i enjoyed it. might even consider trying to do up my own skin next time. haha. but then again, im lazy. >.< so we'll see. hah!
~Me ♪ at 11:24

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas to one and all!

hey guys! it's christmas! Jesus' birthday! got wish Him? :D had a great x'mas eve celebration last night. met jer and went to service with him. caught up a bit. :) service was good. candle light services are always good. XD dont ask why, i just enjoy the atmosphere. finally gave out the x'mas cards i wrote. haha. a few more to go! yay. accomplishment. first time im giving out x'mas cards k.

well, after that i went home to my family gathering. honestly, i enjoyed the food most. my family just likes to sit around the dinner table and talk talk talk, so yeah.. i didnt really mingle, but i guess im used to it. im currently pigging on last night's turkey and ham. haha! i call it breakfast! XD

went out after awhile. met ken and jy at ehub. that was where the fun began. when i arrived, i called ken asking where he is. he said he was walking back from summer breeze after drinking with his dad. haha! his dad made him tah 3 cups of tiger. then he meet me seh seh one. totally high sia. haha. booked movie tickets for 2.10 am show. so we had to burn a few hours. ended up at the arcade playing daytona! haha. first round ken won. 2nd round i was losing terribly, so i went reverse to bang and sabo them. hahaha. damn funny! i love that trick man~~ XP
haha. pooled after that. i won ken in all the games! woohoo! but he was off form la. drank too much. lol. went down to bowl 2 games. i think i performed pretty well as compared to the last time i bowled. it was gooooood~~~ then went to catch our movie. after that movie, we went back to bowl another 2 games. haha.

watched Ip man. it was the best show i've ever watched. in my opinion, i enjoyed it a lot. call me sua ku if you like, but i seriously think it's the best show i've ever watched. you know there are movies that make you think like, "oh, just a show.. nothing other than a show.." but Ip man didnt make me think that. it was superb. it also held values in it. talks about national pride, family, friendship, brotherhood. yeah... beautiful eh? haha. i'd rate it 4/5 stars or popcorns. or even monkeys if you like them. hah!

all in all, i had quite a fruitful christmas eve. by far one of the best. :D and it's only gonna get better..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's Christmas! so here's something from me to you other than a boring lengthy account of what happened last night.

Christmas in my opinion is not about the presents, or the cards, or christmas trees, or even santa claus. it's about love. the well-wishes you give and recieve from your loved ones are definately an act of love. whatever the depth of love may be for a person, the fact that you wish them well, and spend time with them shows that you do love them.

families and friends alike, we love them and i believe we cherish them. so what better way to appreciate them than to thank them on christmas. :D i know i thanked many ppl in my christmas cards. i even wrote a poem to my mother in her card! just a short one. cant remember how it goes anymore though. haha. but it doesnt matter, as long as it reaches my mum, it doesnt matter. :)

love your parents especially. if not for them, there seriously wont be you. ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
so from my to you, once again, here's wishing you a VERY, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
Cheers!~
~Me ♪ at 07:30

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

somehow, i cant get to sleep. lots of things running through my mind. need to slowly pour it out.

recently went back to church (again). somehow i felt so at home.. honestly, the times i spent out of church makes me miss church dearly.. like, a home that i left. just like the prodigal son. you can say i took things for granted, or maybe i just didnt connect well enough. all i know is, it's not easy for me to say that i'll stay for sure this time. in fact, im bound to leave again. maybe it's the conviction that i lack. or the willingness to try again. one thing's for sure, no matter where i am, what im doing, whether im active in church or not, i always feel God inside of me, reminding me every once in awhile not to do stuff that i shouldnt do.
ever heard that little voice in your head telling you what's good for you and what's not? happens all the time. believe it or not, it's worth listening to.

i remember message that is commonly preached. saying that Jesus came to earth as a man. He suffered what man would suffer as well, and thus, He knows the pains that we go through.. when i heard that message, the first thing that struck me was, has Jesus ever felt guilty? i think that's one of my biggest pains that stops me from truly connecting back to God. wish i knew what to do with it. it really sucks you know.
nevertheless, i'll try..

seems like religion is starting to become a "trend" in my circle of friends. they've been going to pray at a temple in serangoon a lot. becoming devoted Buddhists. i've heard stories from their master at the temple as well. seems amazing, like, miracles that happen. he did some fortune telling as well, and it seems rather accurate.
not saying i believe in what they believe in, but this really makes me wonder.. why do each religion have their own miracles? the spiritual world seems so mysterious.. so many things that i dont understand at all. God is so great, miracles happen in His prescence.. this i believe and have experienced, but what about those other miraculous occurances that does not happen in His prescence? it's hard to express this in words, really. wish i could better describe what im trying to say, but i believe i've managed to express out what i really wanna say in the simplest and most shallow form.

i prayed a bit today.. was asking God, how i can honour His name on His birthday. despite me being so unstable and all in my spiritual life, i really do wanna honour His name on Christmas.. i felt Him tell me to put aside everything in my mind and heart on that day and just go to Him. every single guilt feeling or pain, all my past, just put it aside just for that day, so i can celebrate Christmas properly.. i guess that's something i really should do.. guess im too in to life now.

i seriously cannot wait to say these words on Christmas," happy birthday my Lord."
in about 2 days time, i can say it. really miss pouring it out to God. miss the times i spent in His prescence. a new chapter is beginning for me i guess. i dont think i'll remain a good boy though. i doubt the profanity is gonna stop so soon. neither would the cigarettes nor the lustful thought. but i know that i have to try. it's just too much to lose. i wanna go back to His glory once again...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I've been here before, now here I am again
Standing at the door, praying You'll let me back in
To label me a prodigal would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

[Chorus]
Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo
What I've become

I focused on the score, but I could never win
Trying to ignore, a life of hiding my sin
To label me a hypocrite would be
Only scratching the surface of who I've been known to be

[Chorus]
Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo
What I've become

Make every step lead me back to
The sovereign way that You

[Chorus]
Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I've become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can't do this myself
You're the only one who can undo
What I've become

-Undo
-Rush of Fools
~Me ♪ at 03:55

Monday, December 22, 2008

oh wow. su ching's desperately trying to find my blog. haha. decided not to bully her and gave her the url. like finally?

yes, finally im posting something here after ages. oh well, im not exactly into blogging. just posting this up for the sake of it.

hmmm.. what can i say? nothing much, really...
life's been a bore..

been sick for weeks, but im finally recovering. that's a good thing. the sad part is, when im sick, i got money, when im finally recovering, i find myself pretty much broke. irony!
spent my money in xmas cards. just a few to send out i guess. but it still costs money you know. the ppl who'll recieve cards from me will appreciate it. i know they will. :)

on a lighter note, Christmas is coming!
yay! i like Christmas. one of my favorite days of the year. 1 out of 4 of my favorite days in a year.
wondering what the other 3 are? well, when the time comes, ask me. hahaha. like you'll know when it comes. XD
anyways, xmas hasnt been really special for me over the years, this year might not be anything big either.. but oh well, guess i gotta get used to being single over xmas.
a pretty girl! what a wish for Christmas.
"santa can you give me a pretty girl for xmas this year? i've been good all year you know."
next thing you know, a hot babe knocks at your door on xmas morning. i think santa's turning into a pimp. lol

well, it's a windy night, something to expect out of the monsoon season. singapore's weather is really so limited. it's either friggin hot or raining. sometimes it's windy. but then again, it's a good sign i guess. cant imagine a hail storm in singapore. would be hell. LKY would freak out mannn. >.< hope this doesnt reach him, or i might get sued. =x

anyways, there's really nothing much for me to say here. so.. until next time! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL! ^^

cheers!
~Me ♪ at 02:13